"If my power went out they'd be here within' a couple of hours!"

Ah my dear customers how I loathe to talk to thee about such subjects as this. Allow me to introduce you to my readers. Readers this is moron, moron these are readers, readers laugh at the moron, don't forget to point and snicker. So I bet you are wondering what this is all about. My customers tell me all the time about how their electrical company or their telephone company would get them someone out right away whereas my company will not.

None of that is necessarily true at all. First we provide internet, that is hardly as important as having electricity to do important things like heating or air conditioning. Although you like to think that internet is just as important you'd be wrong. The world operated completely fine with out the internet and would do just fine if it were to have to again. Oh what's that? You use it for business? Well maybe you shouldn't use a residential internet provider for business service.

Secondly I hardly doubt that said electricity provider would do so so quickly. I happen to have a friend who works for a local electrical company that will remain nameless. Said company works about the same as us, it's first come first serve. You may or may not get someone out there the next day or worse yet you might wait 3 weeks out. It is completely up to when you call and what your problem is. For instance my company also provides phone service, when you don't have a dial tone we get someone out the next day.

Sometimes getting someone out the next day still isn't enough for Mr. Ineedeverythingnow. That's right I'm talking about the very next day and these people complain that they pay "good money" and they want someone out now. So how does one win with these people? They don't, because tweedledumbass asks for a supervisor, wastes more of my times, my supervisor's time, and their time just so that the sup can tell them the same fucking thing over again. I once had an appointment with a rival company to install phone service.

This was the very first install I was to have at this address so it was important to me that I have service the day that I moved in to the apartment. This company that will remain nameless took 2 weeks to get me a dial tone. Now you tell me who has the better time frame, my company or theirs. The ironic thing is that almost every time someone mentions that "so and so would have someone here within' a couple of hours" it's always that company that took two weeks to get to me. I laugh on the inside every time I hear it.

EA and DRM

Digital Right Management (DRM) is a process put in place to circumvent copyright infringement. It comes in many forms, some companies require you to be online and register your product, others it's as simple as encryption on the disc that keeps you from copying. But lately there's a new kind of DRM, one that is so foul and sinister that one can scarcely mention it with out feeling sick to their stomach. Money-making DRM, that's right folks the process of purposefully restricting access to certain features so that you can make some additional money. EA is the biggest perpetrator of this.

Lately EA has been making games with a built in online feature that logs into their servers to keep track of stats and content and a few additional features. But in addition to those things they also restrict access to those online features and the content that goes with it unless you buy a brand spanking new copy. A perfect example of this is Mass Effect 2, Mass Effect 2 has a built in online feature called "Cerberus Network" but we'll call it cash cow instead.

Now when you buy a new copy of Mass Effect 2 you get a free code to log in to cash cow and download any available content you want. If you bought a used copy of Mass Effect 2 good luck to you because now you have to pay 1200 Microsoft Points to purchase one. This means that you don't have access to any ANY online content this includes expansions and downloadable content unless you are both A.) Online and B.) Have either purchased a new copy of Mass Effect 2 or bought the 1200 MS point equivalent cash cow key.

Wanna know another way that this "DRM" works to prevent pirates from gaining access to content? I transferred a couple of my ME2 save files to a memory card for my XBOX360 so I could play ME2 on my brother's 360 (he already has it installed), when I logged in to cash cow it showed me content I hadn't purchased entitled Kasumi (a character you can download for ME2) I didn't think anything of it, I just thought to myself "Well, like any other game if I don't have the content on the other 360 it'll just tell me that content is no longer available".

WRONG! Instead when I go to play my save file on my 360 it now tells me that I can't play the game because the following content is missing: Kasumi. Gee imagine my surprise, now I can't play a save file on my 360 that was created on it to begin with. Gee that's wonderful EA thanks a fucking bunch. I was forced to purchase the content just so I could keep playing a save file I had every right to be able to play regardless. Just disable the content so I can't play it or remove the content. I didn't initiate the mission to get Kasumi.

EA rear-ends people and I hope that there's some kind of uprise eventually that puts this devious shit storm of a company into the ground. They are evil like no other company I've ever fucking seen and some of the things they do are ridiculous. From their ludicrous DLC to some of their "updated" titles, the company needs to get flushed or get over itself and start being about gamers and less about corporate greed. We're your market, don't take advantage of us. That DLC (Downloadable Content) I was talking about really goes against what gaming should be.

For Dante's Inferno if I'm a little sick of actually playing the game to get souls to purchase new powers I can download some DLC EA has provided that will GIVE me a certain amount of souls in game. This transfers over to other titles as well, getting the best car in the game, or upgrades that are on the disc but can't be accessed with out the DLC they provide. We don't want your stupid free bullshit that gives us an edge for a price. Most people like earning their content, that's why they keep playing. If I want the best car I'll win it through the game, not because I paid 12 of my real world dollars for a fake fucking car or some extra souls. Screw you EA, screw you.

Beating a dead horse: Halo Edition

Welcome to the first edition of "Beating a Dead Horse". These articles will discuss and argue my point over games and other media that has been overly hyped, overly publicized and just plain is getting old. In this edition I will talk about the Halo video game series.

I won't go into how Halo got started but I will say it grew very popular because it was the "killer app" for the XBOX console. Why was it the killer app? Because it was the only playable or palatable game that the original XBOX launched with. The other duds that launched with the XBOX could hardly be considered games at all. So Halo was really the only choice you had in terms of a recognizable game genre.

It never was visually impressive to me, heck it didn't even have a semi-original story. I realize ideas are essentially built on another idea that you make your own but come on, aliens versus space marines, how many times have I heard that? The Halo series carries the normal assortment of un-original and brainless weaponry. Each weapon essentially comes with an alien counter-part so I won't go over those.

The marine weaponry consists of a rifle, pistol, machine gun, rocket launcher, sniper rifle, etc. You see where this is going. What we end up with is Quake with shields and dual wielding. Note you couldn't dual wield swords, the only thing I'd expect anybody to dual wield efficiently on a battlefield. If you dual wield weapons in real life one of two things happens or even both: 1.) Depending on the caliber of the weapon you could potentially break both of your arms and 2.) It's incredibly inaccurate and more likely to hit some random pigeon than the actual target.

People seem to love Halo but not one of these people seems to be able to give me a good reason why. That's because more than half of the Halo fans are composed of bandwagon people that like it because their one crazy friend does. People play the game and seem to have this false idea that it's actually fun. What's so fun about a game that consists of only one routine: Find the power weapon and completely bowl over the other team. Note the power weapon, that's all that people go for first.

If there were an out and out firefight it'd be intense but instead it consists of: Find rocket launcher, jump around like a complete dipshit and rain hell down on the other team. Or you can go with scenario B: sneak around like some wimp and cut people down with a plasma sword that homes in on people. Now they've got Halo: Reach coming out, when Halo: Reach was announced I couldn't care less whether it sold well or some redneck used the disc for target practice. People are going all gaga over it and there were all these ads plastered all over XBOX live about it.

It gives me a fucking headache even thinking about how hyped this series really is. Halo 2 failed to live up to expectations and so did fucking Halo 3. So now all the fanboys are throwing fist pumps around saying "YES FINALLY THIS WILL DO HALO JUSTICE!" and that's what they did with part 3 after part 2 completely canned out. The first thing I hated about Halo was how fucking high people can jump, it's just ridiculous and you look like an asshole doing it. Now it's got jetpacks and some other pussy features I can't even be bothered to look up. So in addition to jumping around and looking like a complete asshole you can look like an even bigger douche flying around with a jet pack.

I like when I see some Halo fanboy in other games trying to bunny hop but he ends up skipping because no other game has ridiculous physics like Halo does. Whoopedefrickindoo, I could give a fuck less about your stupid jet pack or anything even Halo related. Please let this stupid franchise die and drown in the toilet where it belongs. Stop milking a franchise that should have ended at part 1 and most of all stop beating a dead fucking horse.

DigiMorons can be found on Google!

That's right folks, the web log that nobody reads is now sort of searchable on Google. When you type in the phrase "DigiMorons" one of the first web logs I ever posted shows up at the top of the search page! Check it out here.

A terrible irony

Recently I visited one of my favorite video web logs on youtube called TheResident. It wasn't the video that bothered me so much as one of the comments. The actual video was about TheResident visiting E3 and was actually entertaining enough for me to watch being that I've always wanted to go to E3. Viewing the comments I found the following:

"Fuck these video game fagets, you need to get yourself with a true man - I can beat the shit out of anyone at E3 and anyone on this page because they are too busy jerkin it to a cartoon while im in the gym beanching 370 - enough to put my fist through these fagets skulls, so give me a holla!!!" - danteAllahOeAkbar

That's not entirely too interesting in and of itself but when I saw it a ton of things came to my mind. First I took the liberty of checking out his profile so I could see what a typical comment looks like for Mr. Akbar. Not too much to my surprise almost every comment he left was either rude or obscene. My first instinct was to leave a reply to this humongous troll's obvious attempts to get a rise out of the people he was leaving comments for.

Instead of doing that I thought I'd like to critique a few things here for every body who can view this web log to see. I'll do this like normal with segments taken from his reply and my response to said segment. And finally I'll follow up with one last thought. Enjoy.

"Fuck these video game fagets, you need to get yourself with a true man "
Video game fagets? First off what is a faget? Oh that's right faget is the way testosterone driven morons spell FAGGOT. I suppose by real man you mean the same old stereotypical podump, let's go huntin' and have some chew, male that you feel you have to be. Secondly, these video game "fagets" are more than likely in the same category of people who enable you to use your little puter and leave all those badly written comments. The kind of people who actually have the know how to build a computer. I'm sure you can lift a computer sure but who can't? I'm the same kind of "faget" you'd pick on and ridicule, yet somehow I can lift a computer.

"I can beat the shit out of anyone at E3 and anyone on this page because they are too busy jerkin it to a cartoon while im in the gym beanching 370 "
Yes because that's definitely what women are impressed with: men who can beat the shit out of people who are weaker than them. That's the kind of honorable action that people flock to every day, yes sir it is. What's wrong with jerkin' it to a cartoon? I'm sure it's no worse than jerkin' it to sports magazines like you do because you are a "real man". Who cares if you can lift 370 pounds? I'm sure you are good at moving furniture and lifting weights but when are you going to do something that actually matters? I mean since you are so great you ought to be able to do things that people are impressed with. The general populace might go ohhh and ahh at your strength but after the bear is done standing on the ball, the dog is done jumping through the ring of fire, and the bearded lady has shown her beard what are you going to do? Every body will forget how much you can lift and realize how fucking stupid you are because you can't do much else.

"enough to put my fist through these fagets skulls, so give me a holla!!!"
Illiteration aside I think I'll stick with not having a fist in my skull. Once again you've proven your male dominance, are you happy now? No of course you aren't, people such as yourself are rarely ever satisfied with compliments. That's why they call it narcism. You are so full of yourself that you fail to realize how full of shit you are. You have no real use in this world and can't do things people actually look up to like fighting crime or saving people from burning buildings. Hell you can't even spell most of the time I'm sure. I'm sure that all the females holla at you all the time friend. The kind of women we all dream about. The kind of women that don't even know how to use a pencil eraser.

In summation I've concluded that this is a new breed of person we have here. I've come across this type of person once or twice. Their pig headedness has lead them to believe that the majority of people see men or women as a stereotype instead of individuals. These people pick on others that help them. The "fagets" that he's talking about might one day come up with something that he'll want. You know that iPod you bought and wear on your hip as you lift weights? Yeah one of those "fagets" came up with that. The point is that people are free to live life however they want to. I'm sure there are people out there that choose not to have any friends and could care less. I bet some of them even find that fulfilling. It's not an insult to say somebody doesn't have friends because that is just fine. I can't imagine Mr. Akbar having many friends if this is his view on life. I'm sure any friends he has actually managed to acquire will eventually come to the realization that he is a douche and nobody likes him because of his close-minded nature.

Things that I dislike but don't quite piss me off.

• Tattoos - I know I just pissed off half of the world but before you go killing me let me explain. Tattoos seem like the thing to do, just like how goth kids wear spiked necklaces. It just seems like something you should do, why? Nobody can explain why, most people don't even get tattoos that mean a damn thing. Usually people get tattoos because "they look cool". Personally, if I were going to get a tattoo, I'd want it to mean something. I wouldn't want it to be "cool". Something that brands you for the rest of your life should not be taken so lightly. You may also want to think of how said tattoo will look on your wrinkled old body. Not exactly the perfect tapestry it used to be now sagging and looking more like soggy frosted flakes than a parchment. Even Bausch and Lomb can't save you.
  
• T-Shirts with phrases or words - Just pissed off a lot more people. Sure they are cool, and funny, etc. but really what is the point? "Can't sleep the clowns will eat me" is only funny for so long. Let's use people as an example. Take Carrot Top for instance, he used to be hilarious, people loved him, he was the pinnacle of all that is funny. Now when people think of Carrot Top they'd rather barf than sit through his standup. Paulie Shore, Paulie Shore in his prime was a man who couldn't go a year with out a movie deal. Now Paulie Shore can't go a year with out being ridiculed. Again, only funny for so long. For the record I still think Carrot Top and Paulie Shore are funny. Well, Paulie Shore more than Carrot Top. Carrot Top is just fucking crazy nowadays. Proof
  
• Piss on the toilet seat - Obviously there is something with a number of grown men's penises because every time I go to take a shit there are drips of piss on the toilet seat. I mean yeah, it's sterile and I could technically sit on it, but does that mean that I want to? How would you feel walking around with little drops of wetness on your ass? What is so hard about wiping down a toilet after you are done? I understand there is going to be the inevitable splash but we could still be considerate of the people who will want to sit there. And if you can't be considerate enough to do that, they came up with this awesome invention called a urinal.
  
• Washing your hands - I realize it takes a lot of balls to announce this but I do not wash my hands. Sure I'll wash them if somebody is in the bathroom with me but that's only so they don't ask me why I didn't wash my hands. I will wash them before touching certain foods but otherwise they go un-scrubbed. I will never get why people are so afraid of this, urine is sterile. And even if it wasn't I'd have to piss all over them in order for it to do any thing. I wash my friendly regions every day so there's no problem there. The only circumstances I can think of where you'd absolutely 100% need to wash your hands is if you've shat on them, pissed on them, or haven't washed your happy-fun-time regions in a dangerously long time. In 26 years how many of my family members have been terribly sick because of this? Survey says the count is at zero.
  
• Riding in the elevator - I know this is a very prick-like thing to say but I hate riding in the elevator with people I don't know. When I come in in the morning I just want to get to my desk. People who get in the elevator have this way of feeling like they have an obligation to talk to you. Trust me pal please do me a favor and don't. We got on the elevator together because we both wanted to ride to the third floor. Neither of us got on there to talk to one another so let's do each other a service and not talk to one another.


• Skating shoes - The dumbest invention ever. They almost look cute on girls but the moment you see some 5 year old male roller skating in his half assed-roller skate-shoe-imbreed you want to scream gay. Nevertheless all pre-pubescents wearing this look ridiculous and they serve no point. You are either walking or you're roller skating, PICK ONE! There's absolutely no need to do both at one time. Aside from these facts they also look dangerous. I can't imagine how many bastard kids have fell head first into the pavement only to become a blood stain.

This page is a work in progress and is not complete. This stamp will go away when the entry is fully complete.