- Tattoos - I know I just pissed off half of the world but before you go killing me let me explain. Tattoos seem like the thing to do, just like how goth kids wear spiked necklaces. It just seems like something you should do, why? Nobody can explain why, most people don't even get tattoos that mean a damn thing. Usually people get tattoos because "they look cool". Personally, if I were going to get a tattoo, I'd want it to mean something. I wouldn't want it to be "cool". Something that brands you for the rest of your life should not be taken so lightly. You may also want to think of how said tattoo will look on your wrinkled old body. Not exactly the perfect tapestry it used to be now sagging and looking more like soggy frosted flakes than a parchment. Even Bausch and Lomb can't save you.
- T-Shirts with phrases or words - Just pissed off a lot more people. Sure they are cool, and funny, etc. but really what is the point? "Can't sleep the clowns will eat me" is only funny for so long. Let's use people as an example. Take Carrot Top for instance, he used to be hilarious, people loved him, he was the pinnacle of all that is funny. Now when people think of Carrot Top they'd rather barf than sit through his standup. Paulie Shore, Paulie Shore in his prime was a man who couldn't go a year with out a movie deal. Now Paulie Shore can't go a year with out being ridiculed. Again, only funny for so long. For the record I still think Carrot Top and Paulie Shore are funny. Well, Paulie Shore more than Carrot Top. Carrot Top is just fucking crazy nowadays. Proof
- Piss on the toilet seat - Obviously there is something with a number of grown men's penises because every time I go to take a shit there are drips of piss on the toilet seat. I mean yeah, it's sterile and I could technically sit on it, but does that mean that I want to? How would you feel walking around with little drops of wetness on your ass? What is so hard about wiping down a toilet after you are done? I understand there is going to be the inevitable splash but we could still be considerate of the people who will want to sit there. And if you can't be considerate enough to do that, they came up with this awesome invention called a urinal.
- Washing your hands - I realize it takes a lot of balls to announce this but I do not wash my hands. Sure I'll wash them if somebody is in the bathroom with me but that's only so they don't ask me why I didn't wash my hands. I will wash them before touching certain foods but otherwise they go un-scrubbed. I will never get why people are so afraid of this, urine is sterile. And even if it wasn't I'd have to piss all over them in order for it to do any thing. I wash my friendly regions every day so there's no problem there. The only circumstances I can think of where you'd absolutely 100% need to wash your hands is if you've shat on them, pissed on them, or haven't washed your happy-fun-time regions in a dangerously long time. In 26 years how many of my family members have been terribly sick because of this? Survey says the count is at zero.
- Riding in the elevator - I know this is a very prick-like thing to say but I hate riding in the elevator with people I don't know. When I come in in the morning I just want to get to my desk. People who get in the elevator have this way of feeling like they have an obligation to talk to you. Trust me pal please do me a favor and don't. We got on the elevator together because we both wanted to ride to the third floor. Neither of us got on there to talk to one another so let's do each other a service and not talk to one another.
- Skating shoes - The dumbest invention ever. They almost look cute on girls but the moment you see some 5 year old male roller skating in his half assed-roller skate-shoe-imbreed you want to scream gay. Nevertheless all pre-pubescents wearing this look ridiculous and they serve no point. You are either walking or you're roller skating, PICK ONE! There's absolutely no need to do both at one time. Aside from these facts they also look dangerous. I can't imagine how many bastard kids have fell head first into the pavement only to become a blood stain.
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