DigiMorons can be found on Google!

That's right folks, the web log that nobody reads is now sort of searchable on Google. When you type in the phrase "DigiMorons" one of the first web logs I ever posted shows up at the top of the search page! Check it out here.

A terrible irony

Recently I visited one of my favorite video web logs on youtube called TheResident. It wasn't the video that bothered me so much as one of the comments. The actual video was about TheResident visiting E3 and was actually entertaining enough for me to watch being that I've always wanted to go to E3. Viewing the comments I found the following:

"Fuck these video game fagets, you need to get yourself with a true man - I can beat the shit out of anyone at E3 and anyone on this page because they are too busy jerkin it to a cartoon while im in the gym beanching 370 - enough to put my fist through these fagets skulls, so give me a holla!!!" - danteAllahOeAkbar

That's not entirely too interesting in and of itself but when I saw it a ton of things came to my mind. First I took the liberty of checking out his profile so I could see what a typical comment looks like for Mr. Akbar. Not too much to my surprise almost every comment he left was either rude or obscene. My first instinct was to leave a reply to this humongous troll's obvious attempts to get a rise out of the people he was leaving comments for.

Instead of doing that I thought I'd like to critique a few things here for every body who can view this web log to see. I'll do this like normal with segments taken from his reply and my response to said segment. And finally I'll follow up with one last thought. Enjoy.

"Fuck these video game fagets, you need to get yourself with a true man "
Video game fagets? First off what is a faget? Oh that's right faget is the way testosterone driven morons spell FAGGOT. I suppose by real man you mean the same old stereotypical podump, let's go huntin' and have some chew, male that you feel you have to be. Secondly, these video game "fagets" are more than likely in the same category of people who enable you to use your little puter and leave all those badly written comments. The kind of people who actually have the know how to build a computer. I'm sure you can lift a computer sure but who can't? I'm the same kind of "faget" you'd pick on and ridicule, yet somehow I can lift a computer.

"I can beat the shit out of anyone at E3 and anyone on this page because they are too busy jerkin it to a cartoon while im in the gym beanching 370 "
Yes because that's definitely what women are impressed with: men who can beat the shit out of people who are weaker than them. That's the kind of honorable action that people flock to every day, yes sir it is. What's wrong with jerkin' it to a cartoon? I'm sure it's no worse than jerkin' it to sports magazines like you do because you are a "real man". Who cares if you can lift 370 pounds? I'm sure you are good at moving furniture and lifting weights but when are you going to do something that actually matters? I mean since you are so great you ought to be able to do things that people are impressed with. The general populace might go ohhh and ahh at your strength but after the bear is done standing on the ball, the dog is done jumping through the ring of fire, and the bearded lady has shown her beard what are you going to do? Every body will forget how much you can lift and realize how fucking stupid you are because you can't do much else.

"enough to put my fist through these fagets skulls, so give me a holla!!!"
Illiteration aside I think I'll stick with not having a fist in my skull. Once again you've proven your male dominance, are you happy now? No of course you aren't, people such as yourself are rarely ever satisfied with compliments. That's why they call it narcism. You are so full of yourself that you fail to realize how full of shit you are. You have no real use in this world and can't do things people actually look up to like fighting crime or saving people from burning buildings. Hell you can't even spell most of the time I'm sure. I'm sure that all the females holla at you all the time friend. The kind of women we all dream about. The kind of women that don't even know how to use a pencil eraser.

In summation I've concluded that this is a new breed of person we have here. I've come across this type of person once or twice. Their pig headedness has lead them to believe that the majority of people see men or women as a stereotype instead of individuals. These people pick on others that help them. The "fagets" that he's talking about might one day come up with something that he'll want. You know that iPod you bought and wear on your hip as you lift weights? Yeah one of those "fagets" came up with that. The point is that people are free to live life however they want to. I'm sure there are people out there that choose not to have any friends and could care less. I bet some of them even find that fulfilling. It's not an insult to say somebody doesn't have friends because that is just fine. I can't imagine Mr. Akbar having many friends if this is his view on life. I'm sure any friends he has actually managed to acquire will eventually come to the realization that he is a douche and nobody likes him because of his close-minded nature.

Things that I dislike but don't quite piss me off.

• Tattoos - I know I just pissed off half of the world but before you go killing me let me explain. Tattoos seem like the thing to do, just like how goth kids wear spiked necklaces. It just seems like something you should do, why? Nobody can explain why, most people don't even get tattoos that mean a damn thing. Usually people get tattoos because "they look cool". Personally, if I were going to get a tattoo, I'd want it to mean something. I wouldn't want it to be "cool". Something that brands you for the rest of your life should not be taken so lightly. You may also want to think of how said tattoo will look on your wrinkled old body. Not exactly the perfect tapestry it used to be now sagging and looking more like soggy frosted flakes than a parchment. Even Bausch and Lomb can't save you.
  
• T-Shirts with phrases or words - Just pissed off a lot more people. Sure they are cool, and funny, etc. but really what is the point? "Can't sleep the clowns will eat me" is only funny for so long. Let's use people as an example. Take Carrot Top for instance, he used to be hilarious, people loved him, he was the pinnacle of all that is funny. Now when people think of Carrot Top they'd rather barf than sit through his standup. Paulie Shore, Paulie Shore in his prime was a man who couldn't go a year with out a movie deal. Now Paulie Shore can't go a year with out being ridiculed. Again, only funny for so long. For the record I still think Carrot Top and Paulie Shore are funny. Well, Paulie Shore more than Carrot Top. Carrot Top is just fucking crazy nowadays. Proof
  
• Piss on the toilet seat - Obviously there is something with a number of grown men's penises because every time I go to take a shit there are drips of piss on the toilet seat. I mean yeah, it's sterile and I could technically sit on it, but does that mean that I want to? How would you feel walking around with little drops of wetness on your ass? What is so hard about wiping down a toilet after you are done? I understand there is going to be the inevitable splash but we could still be considerate of the people who will want to sit there. And if you can't be considerate enough to do that, they came up with this awesome invention called a urinal.
  
• Washing your hands - I realize it takes a lot of balls to announce this but I do not wash my hands. Sure I'll wash them if somebody is in the bathroom with me but that's only so they don't ask me why I didn't wash my hands. I will wash them before touching certain foods but otherwise they go un-scrubbed. I will never get why people are so afraid of this, urine is sterile. And even if it wasn't I'd have to piss all over them in order for it to do any thing. I wash my friendly regions every day so there's no problem there. The only circumstances I can think of where you'd absolutely 100% need to wash your hands is if you've shat on them, pissed on them, or haven't washed your happy-fun-time regions in a dangerously long time. In 26 years how many of my family members have been terribly sick because of this? Survey says the count is at zero.
  
• Riding in the elevator - I know this is a very prick-like thing to say but I hate riding in the elevator with people I don't know. When I come in in the morning I just want to get to my desk. People who get in the elevator have this way of feeling like they have an obligation to talk to you. Trust me pal please do me a favor and don't. We got on the elevator together because we both wanted to ride to the third floor. Neither of us got on there to talk to one another so let's do each other a service and not talk to one another.


• Skating shoes - The dumbest invention ever. They almost look cute on girls but the moment you see some 5 year old male roller skating in his half assed-roller skate-shoe-imbreed you want to scream gay. Nevertheless all pre-pubescents wearing this look ridiculous and they serve no point. You are either walking or you're roller skating, PICK ONE! There's absolutely no need to do both at one time. Aside from these facts they also look dangerous. I can't imagine how many bastard kids have fell head first into the pavement only to become a blood stain.

This page is a work in progress and is not complete. This stamp will go away when the entry is fully complete.

Novice

Let's take a trip back to the past where cavemen roamed and dinosaurs walked the earth. Back in this time I'm sure it took some getting used to, being barefoot and all and having a brain the size of a walnut. So how in all their stupidity did cavemen figure out how to make fire? Well I'm sure it wasn't just a revelation. I'm sure that the guy didn't just start clacking rocks together to create sparks, the shit took some figuring out. But even still the guy probably took his sweet ass time and figured it out.

Why is it that cavemen understood this concept but we don't? For example having a wireless network. You wouldn't just jump from getting a computer to setting up a wireless network. You'd work your way up. Starting with learning simple things like how to even operate and change some of the basic settings in the computer. After all that you move your way up to software, and then working with other devices that connect to it; small things like a printer or an ipod.

After that you might start learning what a modem is and how it operates. Once you understand the basics of the internet and routers THEN you start thinking about going wireless. No need to jump the gun before it's even loaded, take your time and learn this shit so you don't have to call me for something stupid.

Hi I'm earth, have we met?

If you were a carpenter and you told somebody to hold a hammer for you and they dropped it on your foot instead, how mad would you be? If your answer was "Not at all" you are a liar. So what is so hard about the left and right click on your mouse? It's pretty obvious from the get go which one is going to make every thing go. You either have a left or a right handed setup, most people have a right handed setup.

Your left mouse button clicks buttons, highlights text, fills in radio buttons, etc. The right mouse click brings up context menus and additional options and only ever needs to be clicked once. This seems like a pretty simple setup doesn' t it? Well there is a group of people out there that doesn't seem to grasp that the left mouse click is primary. What happens when they don't realize this? Every five seconds they ask me whether they should right or left click. Let me give you a lesson in how this works.

If I say "click there" that means click with your left mouse button unless otherwise specified. If I say "go ahead and right click" that is the otherwise specificed scenario and you should right click. That didn't seem too hard did it? No it didn't because it's really rather simple. Every time I hear some motherfucker say this I imagine them sitting on the floor as a kid, trying to put their train set together, and being confused by the simple step by step instructions.

I'm calling for Satan but I'm Jesus.

For some unknown reason my customers will have someone else call for them. Why they do this I have no idea. It's pretty obvious that I'm here to deal with people who don't know shit. These people still insist that they are calling on behalf of someone else because they are more "technical"; yet they seem to know less than a single cell amoeba. It makes me wonder how "technical" the person is that they are calling in for. I mean seriously, if you can't follow instructions like "right click" how technical are you? There is another variation of this that involves lazy parents. The parent decides that they want to pay for internet but don't want to call in to tell us, so they have their kid do it. Any one who has ever been on XBOX live knows how annoying it can be to hear a little squeaky voice forced on you. Christ it's sending chills down my spine as we speak.

I can't friggin' believe I just heard this...

Because I troubleshoot phone service I often run into "interesting" answering machine messages when I make test calls. Today I heard something so dumb I just had to share it with every one that reads this web log. All one of you. This is not a word for word interpretation but please feel free to gaze in amazement. I now present to you the most disturbing answering machine message I've ever heard.

"Hi, this is Jesus
and this is Satan. We'd like to read you a short prayer before you leave us your name and number (Insert passage from the bible here)."

Who in their right mind puts something like this on an answering machine? First off it's completely forced on you as if every body believes in the bible. Second, let's not forget that it's an ANSWERING MACHINE. It's a machine to leave messages on, MESSAGES. I want to leave my message and then hang up, I don't want to hear bible scriptures. This is worse than those people who leave fucking music as their voicemail greeting.